Aftermath
by maddizzlefoshizzle
Summary: "Forget about it," Bo said simply. She looked at Hale. "I won't let you die. I would never let any of my friends die." A series of fics/drabbles set in the aftermath of Hale's death. Contains Valkubus/Kale.
1. Breathe

_Breathe_

Tamsin wasn't sure when she started crying-during sex with Dyson or afterwards, when it was over and she turned her head away so he couldn't see, and she stayed curled up in his covers, back turned to him, staring into nothingness. The tears were icy cold and came one by one, slowly, clear drops of the sorrow that wracked her body, waves too powerful to be snuffed by temporary pleasure. She wasn't even aware of the tears at first. She had learned how to put up a wall between her and her pain. Because it was too much to deal with. She had gotten good at it. Until Dyson turned and looked at her afterwards, confused and concerned.

"Something wrong?" His voice was quiet, more rustic than usual, like his own sorrow had turned into scorching fire and trickled into his vocal cords. "Usually the reception is more positive."

"What?" she asked almost angrily, her voice a low hiss on the verge of cracking. She reached up and wiped them away. "It's nothing. I'm fine. Never better."

"Are you lying to me?"

She looked up into his eyes, eyes solemn with concern. "Look, can I stay here tonight?"

"Sure," he said quietly. Somehow it was like he knew. Like he knew that the sorrow wracking her body was the same sorrow that was killing him. She turned away and as she listened to Dyson fall asleep, she held her breath and tried to stop the tears from coming. She was in too deep, in too deep and there was no way out. She didn't know how to put her feelings into words. There was one word, one word that came close, but how could she be? She was still asking herself that question. It didn't make any sense on paper, a horrid, desecrated valkyrie and an impossible woman from out of the ether, from out of time itself. This was sick. Insane. Tamsin just wanted to fuck Dyson, over and over again, until she could fuck the Bo out of her. Because drowning in alcohol hadn't worked last time.

She wanted someone to fuck her brains out, so she could stay convinced it would work until she wasn't and it didn't. Until she realized with frustrated despair that she couldn't get Bo out of her even if she wanted to. Bo was in her veins, she could feel her in her bloodstream. Bo was alive in her cells, was caught in the breath in her lungs. She was in every fiber of her being. And it was sick, and Tamsin wanted her out. And she wanted her in. She wanted to breathe the same breath. Every time she stood near her in a room, Tamsin's chest rose and fell so heavily and she had the overpowering urge to draw nearer, like there were magnets vibrating on the ends of Bo's nerves and her nerves. It couldn't be love. It was too painful. It was too maddening, too inexplicable. Love was stupid. So stupid. And she wouldn't be that stupid and fall in love with somebody like Bo, somebody so utterly unattainable, somebody fate had deemed she was supposed to hate and who was supposed to hate her. There was no logical explanation for the way she wanted to be close to Bo, to crawl inside her being, the way she shed pointless tears now in Dyson's bed because she would never be close to her like she wanted.

Bo would never love her. And it was so stupid, so foolish that Tamsin would even long for such a thing. They were from different worlds. Bo was a hero, a good person, pure of heart. Bo might not believe it of herself, and no one else in the world might believe it, but Tamsin knew. She saw the good in Bo. Even with all the bad. And to her, even the most hideous parts were beautiful. But Tamsin was a rotten soul. Ruined, desecrated, fallen glory, discarded trash. On the path to redemption (because of her, all because of her) but still bearing the weight of broken wings. Hideous. A vulture. A shadow. Tamsin's love for Bo-if that's what it was-was a burden that would never do anything but cause her pain. She needed to let it go. It was no good. No good.

_"No, it's not your fault. It's my problem."_

She could imagine the conversation going something like that.

_"So I guess I'll see you around. It was nice meeting you, Bo."_

And then they would both recall that moment in the shack that started everything so inexplicably, so unassumingly, when fate had thrown them together. "So you're the Bo I've heard so much about." So sure, so sure she had Bo down to a T, so sure she knew exactly what category Bo fell under, and it was only a matter of proving it. So ready to dismiss her.

"Yeah. Who the hell are you?"

They would remember the initial moments when they clashed, rubbed against each other the wrong way, made each other furious. In the interrogation room. "What am I gonna tell the Morrigan?"

"How about you tell her to shove it?"

The first moment when Tamsin's visage cracked a little. Remembering when mere hours later, Bo escaped from the division not once, but twice, in a show of balls that made Tamsin chuckle, made her heart stir just a little, though she wouldn't have known it then. That Tamsin wouldn't understand why Bo rubbed her the wrong way, why her presence was so infuriating, why the sheer size of her balls and the purity of her intentions and most of all, the size of her heart made Tamsin so unsettled. Because even then, it was already beginning. If only she had pulled out then. If only Tamsin had done something Bo would do, and told the Morrigan to shove it, and pulled away from her partnership with Dyson. Maybe then the Wanderer never would have found Bo, and Tamsin never would have fallen for her, and she wouldn't be lying here imagining how to say goodbye. And it wouldn't hurt like this. Like this...

She had to try not to feel. She had to try not to love. Because the battle wasn't over, not by a long shot, and so many people were trying to hurt Bo, that Tamsin couldn't begin to fathom leaving her, not like this. Not when Bo needed a friend. Someone to stand by her side. So the only thing to do was to drown in the alcohol and fuck Dyson's brains out and play pretend. Just like those summer days in the early light of Valhalla, so many lifetimes ago. Back when she didn't know the beautiful dark hair, the brown and blue eyes that stirred her heart like wind. Before she couldn't breathe, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't breathe. Before it hurt.

Just like this.


	2. Unawares

_Unawares_

Tamsin woke before Dyson-she hadn't slept well-and got dressed. She had already eaten breakfast, taking some of the food from his pantry without asking (she was sure he wouldn't mind). When Dyson was dressed, he sat down on his bed and began to put on his shoes. Tamsin stared at him, at his arms, his hands, his lips, and thought about it. Then she walked over and casually got on top of him, straddling him just like last night. "So how about round two?"

Dyson sighed. He pushed Tamsin off, not unkindly, and rubbed his eyes. "Look, Tamsin. You're really hot. And that was really fun." He looked her seriously in the eye. "But you're like my sister, and I don't want to confuse things."

"You didn't seem to mind last night," she said sultrily.

"I was _really_, really drunk last night. And now I have a killer hangover. Look, I'm sorry, I just can't."

Tamsin sat in the chair by his bed. She was silent for a moment. "Touche. I was pretty drunk, too. I just thought you could use some company."

"I could? Or could you?"

She looked away and didn't answer him.

He got up and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Come on. Let's head to the division, partner."

She looked up at him in surprise. "You do realize I don't actually work there anymore, right?"

Dyson smirked. "I know. But I think it's about time the guys found out you're not missing anymore. We can meet Hale there."

Tamsin smiled to herself at the thought of seeing all those schlubs at the division again, hearing their cracks about how much of a bitch she was and snarking back at them (she had a whole slew of one-liners she'd been keeping prepared for this day). She had missed Dyson. She really had. "Right."


	3. Cups

Kenzi. Cups.

I've got my ticket for the long way round  
Don't really know where I belong  
But my best friend Bo hasn't been by in a while  
Oh, I miss her so, it's been too long

When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone  
I've been running out of air  
And my friends don't really care, oh  
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

I've got my ticket for the long way round  
Home is somewhere that way  
Or maybe I'm naive, because my family always leaves  
Oh, what I wouldn't give to make you stay

When I'm gone  
When I'm gone  
I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone  
I'm gonna miss you by your style  
Most of all, I'll miss your smile, oh  
I'm gonna miss you when I'm gone


	4. Prophecy

_Prophecy_

"So let me get this straight. There's a prophecy that says Hale's going to die?" Dyson scoffed. They were standing around in Bo and Kenzi's house, enjoying a drink after a long day working on a case, the four of them. Dyson, of course, had complained about the two girls meddling in his official cop business, but predictably, Bo just laughed him off and Kenzi followed close behind. They were working their own investigation for a private client, and neither of them really cared whether they got involved in Dyson and Hale's police work. Hale didn't mind as much. Hanging out with Kenzi was always the thrill of his day. Dyson took a sip of his beer and narrowed his eyes at the intruder. "Where'd you hear that?"

"I'm not kidding," Vex sneered as he swaggered around into the room from the open door. He held up a thick, ancient book and threw it at them. Dyson caught it in one hand. "Page 637, to be precise. Read it and weep. Mind if I have a beer?"

"No," Bo said angrily. "Mind if you get the hell out of our house?"

"Relax, succubus. I was just sorting around in the Dark archives, found something I thought I might like to share." The other four looked at the open book and read. There was an evil look in Vex's eyes as he studied them, watching for their reaction. Evony had put him up to this, to be true, but he got a kick out of watching them squirm.

"Bullshit," Dyson said simply, tossing the book flat on the ground. The pages crumpled and splayed everywhere. "Is this your idea of a threat?"

"Me? Threaten you? I wouldn't dare," Vex said teasingly. "That would make things complicated, wouldn't it? Seeing as how we're on opposite sides and all. Just thought you'd want to know. Looks like the little rich boy's days are numbered. Three years from now, isn't it? Even you twats with your holier-than-thou rhetoric have got to die someday."

Bo felt a surge of anger. She wanted to wring his neck.

"Hale's gonna die?" Kenzi said, wide-eyed. "No way, man, that's not exactly a rosy prediction." She patted him casually on the shoulder and quickly concealed her worry behind a layer of complacent sarcasm. "We have to make sure that doesn't happen. Right?" She glanced at Bo.

"Relax, Lil Mama, prophecies are almost always bullshit anyway, there's nothing to worry about," Hale said cheerfully, shrugging.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," said Vex. "Loads of prophecies in that one have already come true. It mentions something about a succubus in there."

"Forget about it," Bo said simply. She looked at Hale. "I won't let you die. I would never let any of my friends die."

"What makes you so sure you can control destiny?" Vex posed the question.

"Because I'll make sure of it. I've already lost too many people. I won't lose anyone again. That's just not how I roll. This is the life I choose, and it includes Hale. So if you were thinking about holding any stock in that stupid prophecy, give up. I won't let anything happen to anyone." She spoke the words not with anger, but with a unique tenderness that made Kenzi relax, though she didn't known why. But Bo had that effect on her. Bo made her believe that everything was going to be alright. She always did. Reaffirmed by Bo's speech, Kenzi hopped down from the counter and stood confidently beside her.

"So back off, Robert Smith," Kenzi said. "You're a sicko. Even if your fashion sense is killer. Leave, please. Before I gag."

Vex's arm flew up at the same time as Bo threw her body in front of Kenzi and Dyson lunged, snarling. There was a loud crash and Dyson had Vex on the floor, teeth inches from his throat. "Touch her and you die!" the wolf snarled into Vex's face. Vex was laughing, almost maniacally, but before he could get his arm up again, Hale blasted his siren song straight into the Mesmer's ear.

Vex screamed horribly, writhing around on the ground. In seconds, it was over. He scrambled away from Dyson, clutching the sides of his head. "You're lucky," he hissed, grinning. "I'm under strict obligations not to murder you." His expression convulsed and for a second, it looked as though he might. "Next time, I might just do it anyway." He whirled and strode out of the house.

"Hale," Dyson breathed heavily, getting up from the ground. "That was too close. Don't attack him again. You don't want to start a war, do you?"

"Of course not," Hale let out a brief sigh. "I just wanted to teach that slimy freak a lesson. He would've kept toying with us."

"True. Nice shot, partner." Dyson tried not to smirk and fistbumped his friend.

"Thanks, you too. I was aiming for extremely painful, like a knife kind of, but I'm saving excruciating for next time when it gets real."

"That's good to know that you think about those things, Hale. You okay?" he addressed Kenzi.

"Yeah," she said in an overly casual tone, shrugging and brushing herself off, though she hadn't actually moved. "He doesn't scare me."

"He should," Dyson said seriously. "Vex is not someone you should mess with."

"Points for the dig, though," Hale grinned, holding up his hand.

"Damn straight," said Kenzi as she high-fived him, unable to keep the returning grin off her face.


	5. Everyone Was Always Watching Bo

_Everyone was always watching Bo._

Except for Hale. Hale was always watching Kenzi. Not in like a creepy stalker way, not literally always watching her. It was more like, as soon as she entered a room, he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was only a claimed human, but she was much more exciting than any of the Fae he had ever known. She had no powers except for a mouth that liked to talk smack, but she was by far the ballsiest, bravest person he had ever met. Bo led the way in, but Kenzi dominated the scene. Dyson had been right from the beginning. Those two newcomer girls were more trouble than they were worth, for sure. Bo was a handful, she was interesting, but Kenzi was the one he was watching for. The things she said and did, the way she acted, she was crazy and she always made Hale smile. She had this amazing ability to make him laugh at the most unexpected times, harder than he could remember laughing in years. Nobody made him laugh like that. She was a firecracker.

He could never pinpoint the exact moment he realized he was into her, but later he knew he'd been into her for a long time. On some level, he knew it was stupid. She was a human. By definition, it would never take off. Fae were just short of forbidden from being with humans, if not by law, then by society. His family would ostracize him. He chuckled at the thought. Her lifespan was much shorter than his, even if she did miraculously manage to survive living with a danger-and-destiny-magnet like Bo, so it would never last long. It would have to be a casual fling if it ever happened. He was okay with that. He'd had crushes on people like this before. He figured there was nothing wrong with taking it one day at a time and not worrying about any of that stuff.

Years later, he started to worry a little. Which wasn't like him. He didn't show it. He just grinned and made quips like usual. But it all started when she made a comment and he laughed, that gut-busting, heart-warming Kenzi-induced laughter, and then he looked up at her face and she was grinning at him with that gorgeous Kenzi-ish grin, and he was looking into her bright, sapphire blue eyes-somehow, he always was-why did that happen?-and he almost said, _I love you._

He kind of froze when the words ran through his head, but luckily he didn't say them out loud. Kenzi looked at him a little strangely. "What's up?" He grinned casually and replied, "Nothing. Anybody ever tell you you're freaking hilarious?" and she dryly fake-chuckled and said, "Maybe once or twice."

After that, Hale was zoned out for the rest of the night, and then the day after that. He remembered asking Dyson something once, something stupid like, "How do you know if you're in love?" and Dyson just looked at him like he was crazy and said, "Hale, just because she was wearing a thong does not mean you are in love with her." Hale, realizing his friend had completely misread the situation, just went along with it: "Come on, man, it was tight. I dare you to meet a harpy like that and not fall head over heels."

"Harpies aren't my type," Dyson said simply.

"What, you're more into...succubi?" Hale said teasingly.

Dyson frowned at him. "Hale. I'm dating Ciara."

"Oh, _right_, right, sure. Sorry." Hale was pretty good at backing down when he knew the vibe was against him, especially when it was Dyson. But it was no secret that whether or not Dyson was dating his old friend Ciara, you'd have to be blind not to notice that sparks still flew between him and Bo. "Hey, man, I'm sorry for asking a dumb question like that. I know it's kind of a touchy subject for you."

"It's okay, brother." Dyson's voice was quiet, kind even, but Hale could hear the pain behind it.

Much later, Hale finally summoned the balls to ask his best friend straight out. "I think I'm in love with Kenzi. What do you think?"

Dyson cocked an eyebrow and looked at Hale like he was stupid. "What, are you shitting me?"

Hale stared at him blankly.

Dyson grinned at him, an amazed look on his face. "Dude, you're _crazy_ for her."

"That obvious, huh?"

"For anyone who has eyes. What am I, an idiot?"

Hale grinned. Then he got serious and sighed. He put his hands on sides and said quietly, "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

Dyson looked at him, solemn and sad, thinking of the love he had lost. "Follow your heart."

"Easier said than done."

Hale loved her. But he couldn't tell her. Part of it was that he was afraid that she didn't love him the same way-that she didn't love him romantically-but also that he didn't want to ruin what they already had. Other than Dyson, Kenzi was his best friend in the world. The bond he had with her was more precious to him than anything. The last thing he wanted to do was make it awkward. He thought he would be fine if they kept things they way they were for a while. They could keep being best friends, and he could still be with her and smile with her and privately, he would think she was the most beautiful person in the world, privately he would get the urge to kiss her, but consciously he wouldn't do it. Deep down he knew what would happen. The longing would just keep growing stronger, and soon it wouldn't be enough to sit on opposite ends of the Dal and smile from far away, it wouldn't be enough to pretend they were just friends. He would want to be with her, in every sense of the phrase, to look into her blue eyes and feel the same feeling coming from her, to kiss her, to hold her, to tell her how much he loved her and have her say the same, to finally express that unique bond he felt between them, to share her heart, to be hers.

But for now, for now he had all the time in the world.


	6. Honesty

_Honesty_

"No. I think it's time I start being honest with you. You want me to be honest?" Bo plants her feet firmly in front of Tamsin. "Okay. I had more fun with you that night at the Yule party than I can remember having in a long time. You have beautiful eyes, and sometimes it's kinda hard to breathe when I look at them. I get excited whenever I know I'm about to see you."

Tamsin stares at her, shocked almost into dumbness.

Bo shrugs.

Tamsin shrugs a little back. "Oh. Well." They both accept the words, now out in the open. She raises a bottle of Vodka and an eyebrow in silent invitation.

Bo shrugs and takes it. "Oh. And you're a great kisser."

"Thanks. Not the first time I've heard that one. You're not so bad yourself."

They clink glasses.

After a while of drinking, Tamsin looks up and frowns. "Is there something wrong with my face?"

"What? No. Why?"

"You're looking at me like you just got hit in the head with a crowbar. Need help holding your liquor or something?"

Bo wipes the smile off her face. Oh.


	7. Scared

_Scared_

In the middle of Tamsin's talking, out of nowhere, Bo kisses her. She isn't sure why the urge seizes her, but all of a sudden she bows to its whim and she kisses Tamsin, long and slow. It is not a kiss of lust. It is much different than that. It makes Bo's stomach flutter unexpectedly. Much to her surprise, it is Tamsin who pulls away first. The blonde's brow is creased, her lips are pursed as if to get the taste off them, her hands pulling Bo's away.

"Bo, what are you doing?"

"I don't know," Bo admits, raising her eyebrows. She fixates on Tamsin's lips. She can feel the valkyrie's aura burning hot. "But you like it."

Tamsin gives a weary sigh and gently pushes Bo's arms back down by her sides. "Look, Bo, there's...something you should know. About how I feel about you."

"Don't." Bo looks at her almost desperately. "I'm not ready to hear that."

Tamsin frowns. "Then why the hell are you-?!"

"I'm scared," Bo cuts in. "Of how I feel about you."

Tamsin sighs at her and folds her arms across her chest, almost angry but mostly reasonable. "I've _been_ scared. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna have sex with someone when it means something completely different to me. Unless you need chi, I can't give you what you want, Bo."

"But that's what I'm saying. Tamsin, I don't know."

Tamsin shakes her head. "Well, that's not good enough." She grimaces. "You think you can just keep using people forever? Regardless of how they feel? It doesn't work like that. Eventually something's got to give. This is me, drawing the line. I'm your friend, Bo. But if you think I'm gonna let you play around with me just because it's convenient for you, you're sadly mistaken."

She walks past Bo and up the stairs. Bo doesn't turn around to watch her leave, just hears her footsteps creaking. She lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. That's Tamsin. Always telling her how it is.

Tamsin is right. It isn't fair. She isn't fair. She is still new at this, even after all these years. She is still learning how to love. Right now, she just wishes Tamsin would come back down the stairs. But she guesses she has to work for that.

Later, they are forced to confront each other in the kitchen. It is awkward at first, and Bo's stomach sinks like a stone when she realizes she may have destroyed something between them that she took for granted. She doesn't want to think about that.

"Tamsin-" she begins, unable to take the awkwardness.

"Forget about it." Tamsin turns to her and smiles a little. She holds her hand out to Bo and shrugs. "We're still friends, right?"

Warm relief floods Bo's chest. She smiles and takes her hand. "Right. Friends." She studies Tamsin for a few moments with the intense curiosity and intrigue that is unique to being around her. When they let go, walk past each other, and go about their business, Bo breathes again. Her hand is still tingling pleasantly. Great.


	8. Un Claim Me

_Un. Claim. Me._

"Fine. I unclaim you." It was like a dagger to Kenzi's heart. So easy, so simple, so blank. Bo looked back at her with unfeeling eyes. Kenzi's vision blurred, her lip trembled. She tore away, out of there, out of the only home she had ever known and away from the _heart_ that had tossed her aside a long time ago. She had been fooling herself. There was nothing left for her here. Maybe there never had been. Maybe it was all a lie, everything she thought they had, everything she thought she had finally found, maybe the past four years were a fantasy just like everything else good; her stepfather had taught her that. Her best friend was dead because of her. (Hale.) Her heart and soul didn't care about her, not anymore, not like Kenzi cared about her. (Bo.) She belonged nowhere.

"Kenzi. We are not done," Bo snapped after her. Angry, possessive, _cold._

"Yeah. We are," Kenzi said harshly. It was all she could bear to say. The stoniness in Bo's voice had driven something through her. After all this time, she couldn't believe this was happening. Of all the people to abandon her, to betray her, to lose interest in her, she never thought it would be Bo. _Even Bo._ Kenzi had never loved anybody so much, and now she had never felt so alone. It was Kenzi. That was why everybody always left or died or got killed, it was because of her. It had to be. Otherwise, how else could she make things crumble down around her like this so often? She was everything they all said she was. Everything. A liability. A burden. A danger. A pet. A pest. Annoying. Clingy. Destructive. A mess. Worthless.


	9. Angel

_angel_

When the light dies down, the world falls away from under Bo's feet.

She cannot feel.

An angel lies on the rocks, small and beautiful and brave and broken. She is sleeping.

Bo cannot feel. Cannot think.

Lifetimes pass. Silence.

She moves a little, finally. It takes all of her strength.

Tamsin has run over. She is sobbing over the sleeping body.

Bo stares.

She whispers.

"Kenzi."

The angel does not wake. Does not hear. Bo spoke too softly. She thought she would be able to hear her. Somehow.

The angel does not wake.

Something sharp clenches in Bo's chest and throat. Sudden. Harsh. Brutal. Suffocating.

"Kenzi."

Dyson grabs her lurching arm.

"Bo, wait. She's gone. She's gone, Bo."

"No, you don't understand, I need her. I need her back, I need her. Dyson, I need her. Let me go, _let me go!_" Bo's husky voice turns into a shriek and she rips her way out of Dyson's grasp. She tears toward Kenzi lying peacefully on the ground. "KENZI! NO! No, no, no, no, no, Kenzi, no, Kenzi!" She is screaming. She can't see. Everything is a blur of tears and a bludgeon through her chest.

Tamsin looks up through tears of her own, wide blue eyes just staring at her, two openings into her soul. She is leaning over the sleeping body. She is going to take her away.

Bo can't let her take her away.

"KENZI, WAKE UP!" she screams. She falls over onto Kenzi's sleeping form. She is still warm. She is still there. Her face is so peaceful. Bo could have sung her to sleep. Bo wished she had been there to sing her to sleep. "KENZI! KENZI!" She shakes her.

"Bo, she's dead!" Tamsin shouts, voice cracking, tears streaming down her face.

"No," Bo says, shaking her head sharply. "No, she's not, you don't understand, I need her. I need her. KENZI! KENZI, no, no, please don't do this, please-"

Tamsin has put her hands on the sleeping form and is beginning to rise. Her wings are unfurled. Kenzi is disappearing in shards of soft golden light.

"Kenzi, I need you, please wake up, please, Kenzi, please-"

Kenzi and Tamsin fade away.

Bo's hand shoots out.

Other hand.

Reaches.

Grabs.

Closes around nothing.

She is screaming. Screaming so loud.

Can't.

Breathe.

She was just

here.

Just here.

She's gone.

She's gone.

Collapsing into nothing.

A body without a heart.

A soul without a vessel.

A half without the other half.

Brutally ripped away. Bloody and mangled ends split down her middle.

Hollow.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

Need her back.

Need her.

I need her.

Only now does she need her.

She's gone.


End file.
